The Meme Times

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Rich People Finally Ask: “So… How Do I Buy This Bitcoin Thing?” 🤑 Binance just built a VIP hand-holding service for family offices and asset managers who want crypto exposure but don’t want to touch an actual exchange interface. 🛎 Think private banker vibes: 100+ fiat on-ramps, custom products, custody, reports - because apparently “ape in on mobile” is for peasants, and real wealth needs a concierge.

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Vitalik Literally Paying You To Leave WhatsApp 🤣 Vitalik just dropped 256 ETH on two nerdy messengers that don’t want your phone number, don’t trust central servers and basically treat metadata like toxic waste. 🔐 While everyone else ships sticker packs and AI filters, he’s speedrunning a world where your chats aren’t free analytics for advertisers and governments.

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SEC To Fuse: “You’re A Token, Not A Security (This Time)” 🧾 Fuse just scored a no-action letter, meaning the SEC is basically saying “go ahead” as long as FUSE stays a reward for running hardware, not a get-rich-quick coupon. 🚀 First DoubleZero, now Fuse - DePIN tokens are quietly speedrunning what half of crypto wanted: useful tokens that regulators don’t immediately call securities.

Japan To Exchanges: “Cold Wallets Are Not Enough” 💣 After years of hacks and blowups, Japan’s regulators now want exchanges to stash real reserves so users get paid even when “everything is under control.” 📑 Translation: if you run a casino for degen leverage, you also have to keep a rainy-day fund instead of just posting “security is our top priority” after every incident.

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Wall Street Finally Discovers Degenerate Betting 🎲 Galaxy Digital is talking to Polymarket and Kalshi about becoming a liquidity provider, so your degen election bets might soon be Wall Street–subsidized spreads. 🏦 TradFi spent a decade calling prediction markets “gambling” and now wants to get paid every time you bet on memes and macro.

Conor Calls Khabib’s NFT A Scam… Internet Remembers His REAL Coin 😂 McGregor says Khabib is “using his late father’s name and culture to scam fans” with Papakhas NFTs - then crypto Twitter reminds him his own REAL memecoin tapped out after raising just $392K of a $1M goal and had to refund everyone. 🪦 Celebrity tokens are so down bad that we now have fighters arguing over whose digital cash grab was more “respectful” while the memecoin market quietly hits new lows.

Whale Prints $44.5M ETH Long, Retail Prints Copium 💰 The same OG who farmed ~$200M shorting the October nuke is now long tens of millions in ETH on Hyperliquid. 🤡 Either we’re about to send, or this is the most expensive “don’t try this at home” lesson in crypto history.

Thanksgiving: Pump, Dump Or Just More Sideways Turkey 🦃 In 15 years of Thanksgiving weekends, Bitcoin finished up 8 times and down 7, so the legendary “Thanksgiving pump” is basically just vibes with an average return near zero. 🎢 The real chaos was back in the old days — double-digit swings like −26.5% (2010), +16% (2015), +13% (2017) and −13.3% (2018) — while recent years mostly drift inside a sleepy ±3% as traders AFK for turkey. 📈 Zoom out and BTC is still more than 30,000,000% above 2010 levels, which makes this weekend’s candle look tiny compared to your Thanksgiving plate. 🧡 Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate! Enjoy the food and the family drama, not just the chart😅

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Politicians Speedrunning “Pro-Crypto” For 2026 Clout 🧢 Stand With Crypto is basically handing candidates a “do you like number go up?” quiz before 2026 even starts. 😏 Expect a lot of suddenly converted “blockchain enjoyers” once they realize how many votes and donations live on-chain now.

Portfolio vibes 🫠

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China: “We Banned Mining” (Also China: Mines 14% Of Bitcoin) 😏 China nuked mining in 2021, then quietly farmed its way back to a double-digit share of global hashrate like nothing happened. ⚡️ Turns out if electricity is cheap enough, the ban is more of a suggestion than a rule.

🚀 One Naval tweet turned Zcash from forgotten privacy coin into an 800% rocket, with every influencer suddenly remembering they’ve always “loved” ZEC. 🔻 Now the chart shows price leaking from the mid-$500s down toward ~$505, and the only real question is whether this was a true privacy renaissance or just a beautifully coordinated pump-and-dump.

Averaged to zero🔥📉

Bitcoin Dumps, Retail Panics, BlackRock Hits “Buy The Dip” Again 😬 BTC nukes to new lows, CT screams “we’re so back” and “we’re so wrecked” at the same time - then price casually bounces ~8% off the bottom. 🤑 While retail argues about the end of the bull run, BlackRock is once again rumored to be loading up BTC and ETH on sale, just like previous dips where it quietly bought over $1B worth for its ETFs.