CRYPTO ROAST

🤎 Dogecoin’s Bark Turns into a Whimper After 69% of Its Nodes Crash 🟠 On December 12, Dogecoin faced a severe setback when hacker Andreas Kohl exploited its “DogeReaper” vulnerability, crashing 69% of its network nodes using only an old ThinkPad from rural El Salvador. His cheeky tweet, “Oops I just did a thing...,” instantly became a crypto meme — though probably not the kind Dogecoin fans were hoping for. 🟠 The vulnerability, named after the anime Death Note, allowed Kohl to crash nodes by causing a segmentation fault, effectively breaking Dogecoin’s infrastructure. Despite developers patching the issue weeks earlier, a staggering 87% of nodes hadn’t updated, making the network a sitting duck. Before the attack, Dogecoin proudly counted 647 active nodes. After the chaos? A mere 205 were left standing, slowly climbing back to 315 as operators scrambled to patch their systems. Dogecoin may be a beloved meme coin, but this latest blunder is a harsh reminder: even jokes need good security. There's some hope the developers take this as a cue to stay ahead—before the next exploit makes headlines. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

⚡️ Logan Paul’s CryptoZoo: From Digital Animals to Digital Disaster 🟠 When Logan Paul rolled out CryptoZoo in 2021, it sounded like a surefire NFT win. The concept was as wild as it was promising: an online game where users could hatch, breed, and trade digital animals, generating profit as they went. But in true internet fashion, the hype burned bright – and fast. CryptoZoo’s NFT “animals” turned out to be little more than stock images poorly mashed together, hardly worth their advertised value. 🟠 Then came the kicker: the $ZOO token tanked, and users were left holding digital pets they couldn’t even play with. And Paul? Ghosted, while investors scrambled, wondering if their money had been sunk in a joke project. 🟠 That’s when YouTuber Coffeezilla swooped in to investigate, airing a docuseries that grilled Paul and his team’s lackluster follow-through. Paul tried to deny it all, but backlash and a $1.3 million refund offer followed, barely enough to cover the wreckage. But the real fun was just starting; lawsuits soon alleged fraud, negligence, and broken promises, marking the swift downfall of this so-called NFT empire. So, CryptoZoo stands as a costly reminder: when it comes to NFTs, especially the celebrity-endorsed, “get-rich-quick” kind, it’s wise to keep your wallet far away. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 Another Pastor Caught in the Crypto Game 🟠 It looks like another pastor thought salvation came in crypto. The CFTC has charged Francier Obando Pinillo for allegedly running a $6 million crypto Ponzi scheme, targeting his congregation and social media followers. Preaching promises of nearly 35% monthly returns through a bogus platform called Solanofi, Pinillo claimed to trade Bitcoin, Ether, and more — but the only thing circulating was investors’ money into his own pockets. 🟠 The scheme came with fake dashboards and a referral system designed to reel more believers. The CFTC says there was no trading, just good old-fashioned fraud. Seems like Pinillo skipped the part in the Good Book about “Thou shalt not steal.” ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 North Korea’s $50M Telegram Hack: A Radiant Capital Disaster 🟠 Radiant Capital, a DeFi platform for lending and investing, just learned the hard way how dangerous a simple Telegram message can be. North Korea's finest hackers posed as a trusted ex-contractor and tricked a developer into opening a zip file via Telegram. Boom — malware took over and bypassed Radiant’s top-tier security systems. The hackers were so slick that even tools like Tenderly and hardware wallets couldn’t stop them. 🟠 Despite following best practices, including simulations and checks, $52 million vanished without a trace. All that’s left is a hard lesson learned the expensive way: even the most sophisticated systems can be breached by a cleverly disguised PDF. What is the moral of the story? If an ex-colleague slides into your DMs with a "feedback request," maybe just don’t open the file. It could be your funds going up in smoke.  ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

⚡️ When FOMO Strikes Back: EigenLayer Hack Costs Investor $800K in Fake Airdrop 🟠 In a twist straight out of a crypto horror-comedy, EigenLayer, the Ethereum-based protocol, had its X account hijacked. With the sophistication of a cartoon villain, the hacker launched an elaborate scheme, posting about a fake airdrop that aimed to part crypto enthusiasts from their funds. And it worked. One unlucky investor was lured to a fraudulent look-alike site where they were directed to connect their wallet to “claim” tokens. But instead of the expected airdrop windfall, they lost $800,000 to the scammer. 🟠 When the hack hit, EigenLayer acted fast, warning users to steer clear of any suspicious links. ZachXBT, an on-chain investigator, also posted cautionary messages about these dodgy links. But the hacker wouldn’t quit, reposting “reminder” notices, each crafted to appeal to the FOMO of crypto airdrop hopefuls who might assume that a reputable protocol’s account was trustworthy. 🟠 This isn’t EigenLayer’s first rodeo with security troubles. Earlier in October, a token transfer involving one of their investors had been hijacked by another opportunist. Despite these mishaps, EigenLayer insists its core contracts remain secure—though its reputation is taking a bit of a beating with each high-profile incident. The takeaway? In a space where a single click could cost you thousands, users should stay alert and triple-check URLs before diving into any airdrop or promotion. EigenLayer has yet again proven that even the best-laid crypto plans can go off the rails if social media security isn’t top-notch. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 FOMO Gone Wrong: Investor Loses $800K in EigenLayer Hack 🟠What’s worse than missing an airdrop? Falling for a fake one. Hackers took over EigenLayer’s X account, promoting a fake airdrop and scamming an investor out of $800,000. One click. One wallet connection. Gone. 🟠EigenLayer acted fast, the team jumped into action, but the damage was done. The hacker? Bold enough to keep pushing the scam. Curious about how it all went down? Let me know, and I’ll break it down for you! 👇 ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 He Said God Wanted You to Invest—Then He Took Your Money and Ran 🟠 Turns out even God makes some bad “investments” now and then. Eli Regalado, the online pastor from Colorado, and his wife Kaitlyn allegedly pulled off one of the holiest scams—raking in millions through “divine investments” and living it up on those heavenly funds. 🟠 This so-called man of God allegedly conned over 300 people out of $3.2 million through their cryptocurrency, INDXcoin. The couple marketed the coin primarily to fellow Christians, sweetening the deal with promises of "blessings" and "abundance" straight from the Lord. Yup, you read that right — God, according to Regalado, was personally backing their crypto venture.​ 🟠 The Regalados’ pitch was simple: invest in this God-sent crypto, INDXcoin, and enjoy a heavenly transfer of wealth. They even set up the Kingdom Wealth Exchange, their platform to promote this “illiquid” and “practically worthless” currency. And while their devout investors were praying for profits, Eli and Kaitlyn were allegedly busy living it up — dropping tens of thousands on luxury goods, a Range Rover, and even some questionable home renovations that Regalado claims were all part of God’s master plan​. 🟠 But as the SEC closed in, Eli doubled down on his divine excuse. He admitted to blowing a chunk of the money on personal luxuries, but don’t worry — it’s all part of God’s plan, and a miracle is just around the corner, folks! At this point, you almost expect him to claim Jesus was his co-pilot when he bought the Range Rover.​ With over $1.3 million funneled into their personal expenses and a lawsuit looming, Regalado is still holding out for that heavenly financial miracle. But let's be real: The only miracle his followers want now is their money back. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 Remember the ‘Crypto Pastor’ Who Scammed Millions in the Name of God? 🟠 Yeah, that happened. Eli Regalado, the Denver pastor who promised salvation and profits through his divine INDXcoin, ended up scamming his followers out of millions. Luxury cars, fancy handbags, home makeovers—all part of the 'holy' plan, right? 🟠 Now, he’s under investigation for fraud, but in his words: "The Division of Securities is not fighting against me, they’re fighting against God, and they will lose." Bold claim, huh? Want to hear the full story of how he pulled it off? Drop a like and I’ll spill all the details! 👇🏻 ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

🤎 Scroll’s Airdrop Farmers: Here for a Good Time, Not a Long Time 🟠 In the latest episode of “how to game the crypto system,” Scroll just became the next victim of airdrop farmers. Yup, those mercenaries who swoop in, pump up the numbers, grab the loot, and disappear faster than you can say “rug pull.” 🟠 So, what happened? Well, Scroll, the Ethereum Layer 2 project, announced their upcoming airdrop and—surprise, surprise—their Total Value Locked (TVL) went through the roof. The TVL jumped from 496,000 ETH to 572,000 ETH in just a few days. But if you’re thinking, “Wow, new users are really loving Scroll,” think again. Spoiler alert: they weren’t here to stay. 🟠 The second the airdrop snapshot was taken, TVL dropped like a hot potato—losing 15% of its value almost instantly. Why? Because our friendly neighbourhood airdrop farmers secured their spot, claimed their goodies, and bounced. It’s the crypto equivalent of crashing a party just for the free food. 🟠 And while Scroll’s team probably thought this would attract genuine users, the reality is… it just created a buffet for the airdrop hunters. Loyal users? Oh, they’re probably wondering where all the real rewards went, now that the farmers have cashed in after less than 10 days of playing the game. Moral of the story? Airdrop farming is like a bad Tinder date: looks promising, but you’re left wondering where it all went wrong after the initial excitement fades. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

⚡️ Welcome to Crypto Roast! The serious stuff is over—FIVE has had its run, and now it’s time for something spicier. Here, we grill everything from crypto scams and celebrity disasters to traders who can’t read a chart to save their lives. If you’re tired of influencers pushing trash tokens and "experts" whose predictions are worse than a coin flip, you’ve found your new hangout. Let’s laugh at the nonsense, call out the BS, and enjoy the dumpster fire that is crypto together. 🤘 Grab your popcorn, it’s gonna be a wild ride!

👉 Modi Condemns Canada Temple Violence Amid Diplomatic Strain ⏺ Indian PM Narendra Modi condemned a "deliberate attack" at a Hindu temple in Brampton, Canada, after clashes erupted on Sunday, calling for Canadian authorities to uphold justice. ⏺ Police have arrested three individuals and continue investigations. This incident intensifies tensions between India and Canada. The relations between the countries are already strained after Canada accused India of involvement in the 2023 killing of pro-Khalistan advocate Hardeep Singh Nijjar—an allegation India denies. ➡️ FIVE

🗣 North Korea Launches Missiles Ahead of U.S. Election Amid Military Tensions North Korea fired seven short-range missiles on Tuesday, just hours before the U.S. presidential election, hitting waters off its east coast. This launch follows recent ICBM tests and comes amid U.S.-South Korea-Japan military drills. Kim Yo Jong, sister of Kim Jong Un, condemned the exercises, calling them a threat that justifies North Korea’s nuclear stance. ➡️ FIVE

🔄 Spain Deploys More Troops to Flood Zone Amid Rising Public Outrage 🟢 Spain has sent an additional 2,500 soldiers to aid rescue efforts in the flood-stricken Valencia region, bringing the total to 7,500 as anger over the government’s disaster response grows. 🟢 The floods have claimed at least 217 lives, with dozens still missing. Local officials in Valencia requested €31.4 billion in aid to rebuild. Meanwhile, flights in Barcelona were canceled due to ongoing heavy rains, adding to the disruption in the region. ➡️ FIVE

👉 Iranian Student’s Bold Protest Sparks Outcry as Activists Demand Her Release ⏺ A university student in Tehran was forcibly detained after a public protest against Iran's mandatory hijab laws, where she removed her clothing in defiance. ⏺ The incident, captured on video, has fuelled support online, with activists claiming her protest aligns with the “Woman, Life, Freedom” movement. ⏺ Iranian authorities labeled her as mentally ill, but Amnesty International and Nobel laureate Narges Mohammadi have demanded her immediate release and called for accountability over reported mistreatment. ➡️ FIVE

🟢 Election Showdown: Trump and Harris Gear Up for Final Campaign Push in Deadlocked Race 🟢 On the eve of Election Day, Donald Trump and Kamala Harris campaigned hard in key battlegrounds like Pennsylvania, each predicting victory in what polls show to be an extremely close race. 🟢 Harris rallied with celebrity supporters in Philadelphia, while Trump energised his Michigan base, even receiving a last-minute endorsement from podcaster Joe Rogan. ➡️ FIVE

🗣 Monkeys Typing Shakespeare? New Study Says It's Impossible! ⏺ A new study by Australian mathematicians debunks the idea that monkeys could eventually type out Shakespeare's works. Researchers found it would take longer than the universe’s lifespan for even one monkey to replicate his plays and sonnets. ⏺ Even with all 200,000 global chimpanzees typing at one key per second, they’d still fall short. The odds of a chimp typing “bananas” in its lifetime are only 5%, and creating a coherent sentence is astronomically unlikely. The theorem, though mathematically interesting, is now considered misleading. ➡️ FIVE

🟢 Record Smog Shuts Schools in Lahore, Triggers ‘Green Lockdown’ 🟢 Unprecedented smog in Lahore has closed primary schools for a week and prompted a “green lockdown” with remote work for 50% of office staff. 🟢 The air quality index exceeded 1,000—well beyond the WHO’s “dangerous” level. Bans on rickshaws and open-air barbecues have been imposed, while authorities blame cross-border crop burning for the crisis. ➡️ FIVE

🔄 Spain’s King and Queen Pelted with Mud in Flood-Hit Valencia Amid Rising Anger 🟢 During a visit to flood-ravaged Valencia, Spain’s King Felipe and Queen Letizia faced angry protesters who hurled mud and shouted “murderer” and “shame” at the royals and Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez. 🟢 The flood, one of Spain’s deadliest in decades, has claimed over 200 lives, with emergency teams still searching for survivors. Sánchez pledged additional support, but locals say it’s too little, too late. ➡️ FIVE

👉 Could Musk Become China’s ‘Powerful Ally’ if Trump Wins? ⏺ If Trump is re-elected, Elon Musk could become a “powerful ally” to China’s Xi Jinping, according to Bloomberg. ⏺ The Tesla and SpaceX CEO has major business interests in China, where Tesla enjoys rare tax breaks and was recently added to the national procurement list for the first time ever. ➡️ FIVE

🟢 Lava Flow Destroys Village, Claims 9 Lives in Indonesia 🟢 An eruption of Mount Lewotobi on Indonesia's Flores Island has killed nine people and destroyed homes, including a monastery. 🟢 One nun was among the victims, with another person missing. Authorities raised the threat level as the volcano continues to spew ash 2,000 meters high. ➡️ FIVE