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Two of the leading attorneys of Memphis, who had been warm friends for years, happened to be opposing counsel in a case some time ago. The older of the two was a man of magnificent physique, almost six feet four, and built in proportion, while the younger was barely five feet and weighed not more than ninety pounds. In the course of his argument the big man unwittingly made some remark that aroused the ire of his small adversary. A moment later he felt a great pulling and tugging at his coat tails. Looking down, he was greatly astonished to see his opponent wildly gesticulating and dancing around him. "What on earth are you trying to do there, Dudley?" he asked. "By Gawd, suh, I'm fightin', suh!"

"There! You have a black eye, and your nose is bruised, and your coat is torn to bits," said Mamma, as her youngest appeared at the door. "How many times have I told you not to play with that bad Jenkins boy?" "Now, look here, Mother," said Bobby, "do I look as if we'd been playing?"

FIGHTING "Who gave ye th' black eye, Jim?" "Nobody give it t' me; I had t' fight fer it."—Life.

FEET BIG MAN (with a grouch)—"Will you be so kind as to get off my feet?" LITTLE MAN (with a bundle)—"I'll try, sir. Is it much of a walk?"

FATHERS A director of one of the great transcontinental railroads was showing his three-year-old daughter the pictures in a work on natural history. Pointing to a picture of a zebra, he asked the baby to tell him what it represented. Baby answered "Coty." Pointing to a picture of a tiger in the same way, she answered "Kitty." Then a lion, and she answered "Doggy." Elated with her seeming quick perception, he then turned to the picture of a Chimpanzee and said: "Baby, what is this?" "Papa."

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So in the Libyan fable it is told That once an eagle stricken with a dart, Said, when he saw the fashion of the shaft, "With our own feathers, not by others' hands, Are we now smitten."

So in the Libyan fable it is told That once an eagle stricken with a dart, Said, when he saw the fashion of the shaft, "With our own feathers, not by others' hands, Are we now smitten."

FATE Fate hit me very hard one day. I cried: "What is my fault? What have I done? What causes, pray, This unprovoked assault?" She paused, then said: "Darned if I know; I really can't explain." Then just before she turned to go She whacked me once again! —La Touche Hancock.

There had been a dressmaker in the house and Minnie had listened to long discussions about the very latest fashions. That night when she said her prayers, she added a new petition, uttered with unwonted fervency: "And, dear Lord, please make us all very stylish."

FASHION There are two kinds of women: The fashionable ones and those who are comfortable. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"I am going to make my farewell tour in Shakespeare. What shall be the play? Hamlet? Macbeth?" "This is your sixth farewell tour, I believe." "Well, yes." "I would suggest 'Much Adieu About Nothing'."

A dear old citizen went to the cars the other day to see his daughter off on a journey. Securing her a seat he passed out of the car and went around to the car window to say a last parting word. While he was leaving the car the daughter crossed the aisle to speak to a friend, and at the same time a grim old maid took the seat and moved up to the window. Unaware of the change the old gentleman hurriedly put his head up to the window and said: "One more kiss, pet." In another instant the point of a cotton umbrella was thrust from the window, followed by the wrathful injunction: "Scat, you gray-headed wretch!"

FAREWELLS Happy are we met, Happy have we been, Happy may we part, and Happy meet again. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

A man descended from an excursion train and was wearily making his way to the street-car, followed by his wife and fourteen children, when a policeman touched him on the shoulder and said: "Come along wid me." "What for?" "Blamed if I know; but when ye're locked up I'll go back and find out why that crowd was following ye."

Mrs. O'Flarity is a scrub lady, and she had been absent from her duties for several days. Upon her return her employer asked her the reason for her absence. "Sure, I've been carin' for wan of me sick children," she replied. "And how many children have you, Mrs. O'Flarity?" he asked. "Siven in all," she replied. "Four by the third wife of me second husband; three by the second wife of me furst."

FAMILIES "Yes, sir, our household represents the United Kingdom of Great Britain," said the proud father of number one to the rector. "I am English, my wife's Irish, the nurse is Scotch and the baby wails."

Were not this desire of fame very strong, the difficulty of obtaining it, and the danger of losing it when obtained, would be sufficient to deter a man from so vain a pursuit.

Many a man thinks he has become famous when he has merely happened to meet an editor who was hard up for material. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

FAME Fame is the feeling that you are the constant subject of admiration on the part of people who are not thinking of you. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы