Story. Рассказы на английском

FAITHFULNESS A wizened little Irishman applied for a job loading a ship. At first they said he was too small, but he finally persuaded them to give him a trial. He seemed to be making good, and they gradually increased the size of his load until on the last trip he was carrying a 300-pound anvil under each arm. When he was half-way across the gangplank it broke and the Irishman fell in. With a great splashing and spluttering he came to the surface. "T'row me a rope, I say!" he shouted again. Once more he sank. A third time he rose struggling. "Say!" he spluttered angrily, "if one uv you shpalpeens don't hurry up an' t'row me a rope I'm goin' to drop one uv these damn t'ings!" 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Mother had been having considerable argument with her infant daughter as to whether the latter was going to be left alone in a dark room to go to sleep. As a clincher, the mother said: "There is no reason at all why you should be afraid. Remember that God is here all the time, and, besides, you have your dolly. Now go to sleep like a good little girl." Twenty minutes later a wail came from upstairs, and mother went to the foot of the stairs to pacify her daughter. "Don't cry," she said; "remember what I told you—God is there with you and you have your dolly." "But I don't want them," wailed the baby; "I want you, muvver; I want somebody here that has got a skin face on them." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"As I understand it, Doctor, if I believe I'm well, I'll be well. Is that the idea?" "It is." "Then, if you believe you are paid, I suppose you'll be paid." "Not necessarily." "But why shouldn't faith work as well in one case as in the other?" "Why, you see, there is considerable difference between having faith in Providence and having faith in you."—Horace Zimmerman. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"What is faith, Johnny?" asks the Sunday school teacher. "Pa says," answers Johnny, "that it's readin' in the papers that the price o' things has come down, an expectin' to find it true when the bills comes in." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

FAITH Faith is that quality which leads a man to expect that his flowers and garden will resemble the views shown on the seed packets.—Country Life in America. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

FAILURES Little Ikey came up to his father with a very solemn face. "Is it true, father," he asked, "that marriage is a failure?" His father surveyed him thoughtfully for a moment. "Well, Ikey," he finally replied, "If you get a rich wife, it's almost as good as a failure." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

An Irish soldier was recently given leave of absence the morning after pay day. When his leave expired he didn't appear. He was brought at last before the commandant for sentence, and the following dialogue is recorded: "Well, Murphy, you look as if you had had a severe engagement." "Yes, sur." "Have you any money left?" "No, sur." "You had $35 when you left the fort, didn't you?" "Yes, sur." "What did you do with it?" "Well, sur, I was walking along and I met a friend, and we went into a place and spint $8. Thin we came out and I met another friend and we spint $8 more, and thin I come out and we met another friend and we spint $8 more, and thin we come out and we met another bunch of friends, and I spint $8 more—and thin I come home." "But, Murphy, that makes only $32. What did you do with the other $3?" Murphy thought. Then he shook his head slowly and said: "I dunno, colonel, I reckon I must have squandered that money foolishly." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"The editor of my paper," declared the newspaper business manager to a little coterie of friends, "is a peculiar genius. Why, would you believe it, when he draws his weekly salary he keeps out only one dollar for spending money and sends the rest to his wife in Indianapolis!" His listeners—with one exception, who sat silent and reflective—gave vent to loud murmurs of wonder and admiration. "Now, it may sound thin," added the speaker, "but it is true, nevertheless." "Oh, I don't doubt it at all!" quickly rejoined the quiet one; "I was only wondering what he does with the dollar!"

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EXTRAVAGANCE Everybody knew that John Polkinhorn was the carelessest man in town, but nobody ever thought he was careless enough to marry Susan Rankin, seeing that he had known her for years. For awhile they got along fairly well but one day after five years of it John hung himself in the attic, where Susan used to dry the wash on rainy days, and a carpenter, who went up to the roof to do some repairs, found him there. He told Susan, and Susan hurried up to see about it, and, sure enough, the carpenter was right. She stood looking at her late husband for about a minute—kind of dazed, the carpenter thought—then she spoke. "Well, I declare!" she exclaimed. "If he hasn't used my new clothes-line, and the old would have done every bit as well! But, of course, that's just like John Polkinhorn." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

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Mr. X was a prominent member of the B.P.O.E. At the breakfast table the other morning he was relating to his wife an incident that occurred at the lodge the previous night. The president of the order offered a silk hat to the brother who could stand up and truthfully say that during his married life he had never kissed any woman but his own wife. "And, would you believe it, Mary?—not a one stood up." "George," his wife said, "why didn't you stand up?" "Well," he replied, "I was going to, but I know I look like hell in a silk hat." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

GRANDMA—"Johnny, I have discovered that you have taken more maple-sugar than I gave you." JOHNNY—"Yes, Grandma, I've been making believe there was another little boy spending the day with me." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Cephas is a darky come up from Maryland to a border town in Pennsylvania, where he has established himself as a handy man to do odd jobs. He is a good worker, and sober, but there are certain proclivities of his which necessitate a pretty close watch on him. Not long ago he was caught with a chicken under his coat, and was haled to court to explain its presence there. "Now, Cephas," said the judge very kindly, "you have got into a new place, and you ought to have new habits. We have been good to you and helped you, and while we like you as a sober and industrious worker, this other business cannot be tolerated. Why did you take Mrs. Gilkie's chicken?" Cephas was stumped, and he stood before the majesty of the law, rubbing his head and looking ashamed of himself. Finally he answered: "Deed, I dunno, Jedge," he explained, "ceptin' 't is dat chickens is chickens and niggers is niggers." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

A poor casual laborer, working on a scaffolding, fell five stories to the ground. As his horrified mates rushed down pell-mell to his aid, he picked himself up, uninjured, from a great, soft pile of sand. "Say, fellers," he murmured anxiously, "is the boss mad? Tell him I had to come down anyway for a ball of twine." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"What is the matter, dearest?" asked the mother of a small girl who had been discovered crying in the hall. "Somfing awful's happened, Mother." "Well, what is it, sweetheart?" "My d'doll-baby got away from me and broked a plate in the pantry." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"Is that you, dear?" said a young husband over the telephone. "I just called up to say that I'm afraid I won't be able to get home to dinner to-night, as I am detained at the office." "You poor dear," answered the wife sympathetically. "I don't wonder. I don't see how you manage to get anything done at all with that orchestra playing in your office. Good-by." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

A captain, inspecting his company one morning, came to an Irishman who evidently had not shaved for several days. "Doyle," he asked, "how is it that you haven't shaved this morning?" "But Oi did, sor." "How dare you tell me that with the beard you have on your face?" "Well, ye see, sor," stammered Doyle, "there wus nine of us to one small bit uv a lookin'-glass, an' it must be thot in th' gineral confusion Oi shaved some other man's face." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Одри Хепбёрн теперь в Telegram! Она не просто актриса. Она - эпоха. Икона стиля, символ элегантности, вдохновения и доброты. Подписаться: t.me/odry_hepburn