Story. Рассказы на английском

One year, when the youngsters of a certain Illinois village met for the purpose of electing a captain of their baseball team for the coming season, it appeared that there were an excessive number of candidates for the post, with more than the usual wrangling. Youngster after youngster presented his qualifications for the post; and the matter was still undecided when the son of the owner of the ball-field stood up. He was a small, snub-nosed lad, with a plentiful supply of freckles, but he glanced about him with a dignified air of controlling the situation. "I'm going to be captain this year," he announced convincingly, "or else Father's old bull is going to be turned into the field." He was elected unanimously. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Карл Густав Юнг теперь в Telegram! Мысли одного из самых цитируемых психологов Подписаться: t.me/CarlGustavJung_tg

WILLIS—"What's the election today for? Anybody happen to know?" GILLIS—"It is to determine whether we shall have a convention to nominate delegates who will be voted on as to whether they will attend a caucus which will decide whether we shall have a primary to determine whether the people want to vote on this same question again next year."—Puck. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

ELECTIONS In St. Louis there is one ward that is full of breweries and Germans. In a recent election a local option question was up. After the election some Germans were counting the votes. One German was calling off and another taking down the option votes. The first German, running rapidly through the ballots, said: "Vet, vet, vet, vet,..." Suddenly he stopped. "Mein Gott!" he cried: "Dry!" Then he went on—"Vet, vet, vet, vet,..." Presently he stopped again and mopped his brow. "Himmel!" he said. "Der son of a gun repeated!" 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Focus ____ your goals (Фокусируйся на своих целях)

🐱 А мы тут пейзажи показываем https://t.me/art_gallery

The late Marshall Field had a very small office-boy who came to the great merchant one day with a request for an increase in wages. "Huh!" said Mr. Field, looking at him as if through a magnifying-glass. "Want a raise, do you? How much are you getting?" "Three dollars a week," chirped the little chap. "Three dollars a week!" exclaimed his employer. "Why, when I was your age I only got two dollars." "Oh, well, that's different," piped the youngster. "I guess you weren't worth any more." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

John D. Rockefeller tells this story on himself: "Golfing one bright winter day I had for caddie a boy who didn't know me. "An unfortunate stroke landed me in clump of high grass. "'My, my,' I said, 'what am I to do now?' "'See that there tree?' said the boy, pointing to a tall tree a mile away. 'Well, drive straight for that.' "I lofted vigorously, and, fortunately, my ball soared up into the air; it landed, and it rolled right on to the putting green. "'How's that, my boy?' I cried. "The caddie stared at me with envious eyes. "'Gee, boss,' he said, 'if I had your strength and you had my brains what a pair we'd make!'" 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

📹 Федерико Феллини, Ингмар Бергман, Джим Джармуш, Стэнли Кубрик. Работами культовых режиссеров теперь можно наслаждаться в одном месте.    На канале "Art Cinema" публикуют авторское кино разных эпох, от европейского артхауса 20-х до андеграунда последних лет. Подписывайтесь, чтобы не тратить время на посредственное кино: t.me/Art_Cinema

EGOTISM In the Chicago schools a boy refused to sew, thinking it below the dignity of a man of ten years. "Why," said the teacher, "George Washington did his own sewing in the wars, and do you think you are better than George Washington?" "I don't know," replied the boy seriously. "Only time can tell that." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

A curious little man sat next an elderly, prosperous looking man in a smoking car. "How many people work in your office?" he asked. "Oh," responded the elderly man, getting up and throwing away his cigar, "I should say, at a rough guess, about two-thirds of them." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

EFFICIENCY An American motorist went to Germany in his car to the army maneuvers. He was especially impressed with the German motor ambulances. As the tourist watched the maneuvers from a seat under a tree, the axle of one of the motor ambulances broke. Instantly the man leaped out, ran into the village, returned in a jiffy with a new axle, fixed it in place with wonderful skill, and teuffed-teuffed off again almost as good as new. "There's efficiency for you," said the American admirably. "There's German efficiency for you. No matter what breaks, there's always a stock at hand from which to supply the needed part." And praising the remarkable instance of German efficiency he had just witnessed, the tourist returned to the village and ordered up his car. But he couldn't use it. The axle was missing. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Любителей литературы, музыки, искусства приглашаем в культурно-просветительский канал "Марципановый чай", где вы найдете информацию о творческих встречах, лекциях, вечерах и концертах на различных площадках Москвы, а также читательском клубе в стенах РГБ. Знакомьтесь с литераторами, музыкантами и художниками, переходите по ссылке https://t.me/+_kn2ZPpseYIwZTgy

A catalog of farming implements sent out by the manufacturer finally found its way to a distant mountain village where it was evidently welcomed with interest. The firm received a carefully written, if somewhat clumsily expressed letter from a southern "cracker" asking further particulars about one of the listed articles. To this, in the usual course of business, was sent a type-written answer. Almost by return mail came a reply: "You fellows need not think you are so all-fired smart, and you need not print your letters to me. I can read writing." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Как много и, как мало мы знаем о нем - Искусство. 👓 👨🏼‍🎨Личное об искусстве. О сложном просто и о простом сложно. https://t.me/ks_1t 👍🏻- канал подойдет для всех любителей прекрасного 👩🏼‍💻- для людей увлекающихся историей 👨🏼‍🎨- для тех, кто ничего не понимает в искусстве 👶- для детей от 7 лет, на канале не скучно ) Пишет историк искусства и педагог в одном лице. Антиквар. Специалист по винтажным брошам, а так же педагог по живописи для детей от 6 лет. Присоединяетесь - https://t.me/ks_1t Тут нужно читать ) 👁️

EDUCATION Along in the sixties Pat Casey pushed a wheelbarrow across the plains from St. Joseph, Mo., to Georgetown, Colo., and shortly after that he "struck it rich"; in fact, he was credited with having more wealth than any one else in Colorado. A man of great shrewdness and ability, he was exceedingly sensitive over his inability to read or write. One day an old-timer met him with: "How are you getting along, Pat?" "Go 'way from me now," said Pat genially, "me head's bustin' wid business. It takes two lid-pincils a day to do me wurruk." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Фаина Раневская теперь в Telegram! Собрание цитат, видеофрагментов и ярких воспоминаний о жизни одной из великих личностей XX столетия.

«Отпускайте идиотов и клоунов из своей жизни. Цирк должен гастролировать».

Приглашаем вас в мир Раневской! t.me/Faina_Ranevskaya_tg

The city editor of a great New York daily was known in the newspaper world as a martinet and severe disciplinarian. Some of his caustic and biting criticisms are classics. Once, however, the tables were turned upon him in a way that left him speechless for days. A reporter on the paper wrote an article that the city editor did not approve of. The morning of publication this reporter drifted into the office and encountered his chief, who was in a white heat of anger. Carefully suppressing the explosion, however, the boss started in with ominous and icy words: "Mr. Blank, I am not going to criticize you for what you have written. On the other hand, I am profoundly sorry for you. I have watched your work recently, and it is my opinion, reached after calm and dispassionate observation, that you are mentally unbalanced. You are insane. Your mind is a wreck. Your friends should take you in hand. The very kindest suggestion I can make is that you visit an alienist and place yourself under treatment. So far you have shown no sign of violence, but what the future holds for you no one can tell. I say this in all kindness and frankness. You are discharged." The reporter walked out of the office and wandered up to Bellevue Hospital. He visited the insane pavilion, and told the resident surgeon that there was a suspicion that he was not all right mentally and asked to be examined. The doctor put him through the regular routine and then said, "Right as a top." "Sure?" asked the reporter. "Will you give me a certificate to that effect?" The doctor said he would and did. Clutching the certificate tightly in his hand the reporter entered the office an hour later, walked up to the city editor, handed it to him silently, and then blurted out, "Now you go get one." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Recipe for an editor Take a personal hatred of authors, Mix this with a fiendish delight In refusing all efforts of genius And maiming all poets on sight. —Life. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Economy is a way of spending money without getting any fun out of it. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы