Story. Рассказы на английском

The class at Heidelberg was studying English conjugations, and each verb considered was used in a model sentence, so that the students would gain the benefit of pronouncing the connected series of words, as well as learning the varying forms of the verb. This morning it was the verb "to have" in the sentence, "I have a gold mine." Herr Schmitz was called to his feet by Professor Wulff. "Conjugate 'do haff' in der sentence, 'I haff a golt mine," the professor ordered. "I haff a golt mine, du hast a golt dein, he hass a golt hiss. Ve, you or dey haff a golt ours, yours or deirs, as de case may be." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

ENGLISH LANGUAGE A popular hotel in Rome has a sign in the elevator reading: "Please do not touch the Lift at your own risk." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

It is better to decide a difference between enemies than friends, for one of our friends will certainly become an enemy and one of our enemies a friend.—Bias. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

ENEMIES An old man who had led a sinful life was dying, and his wife sent for a near-by preacher to pray with him. The preacher spent some time praying and talking, and finally the old man said: "What do you want me to do, Parson?" "Renounce the Devil, renounce the Devil," replied the preacher. "Well, but, Parson," protested the dying man, "I ain't in position to make any enemies." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Скучал, пьянствовал, ел шоколад. Пётр Чайковский 5 февраля, 1889 г. Был целый день невоздержан: жрал рахат-лукум, мороженое и всякую дрянь. Лев Толстой 16 июня, 1852 г. Свободы хочется и денег. Сидеть бы на палубе, трескать вино и беседовать о литературе, а вечером дамы. Антон Чехов 28 июля, 1893 г. 📖 Дневниками и мыслями известных личностей теперь можно наслаждаться в одном месте.    Канал "Жизнь в дневниках" – это собрание лучших мыслей и дневниковых записей великих писателей, художников, режиссёров и композиторов. Подписывайтесь, чтобы восхищаться интересными личностями: t.me/dnevnikitg

James J. Hill, the Railway King, told the following amusing incident that happened on one of his roads: "One of our division superintendents had received numerous complaints that freight trains were in the habit of stopping on a grade crossing in a certain small town, thereby blocking travel for long periods. He issued orders, but still the complaints came in. Finally he decided to investigate personally. "A short man in size and very excitable, he went down to the crossing, and, sure enough, there stood, in defiance of his orders, a long freight train, anchored squarely across it. A brakeman who didn't know him by sight sat complacently on the top of the car. "'Move that train on!' sputtered the little 'super.' 'Get it off the crossing so people can pass. Move on, I say!' "The brakeman surveyed the tempestuous little man from head to foot. 'You go to the deuce, you little shrimp,' he replied. 'You're small enough to crawl under.'" 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Outside his own cleverness there is nothing that so delights Mr. Wiggins as a game of baseball, and when he gets a chance to exploit the two, both at the same time, he may be said to be the happiest man in the world. Hence it was that the other day, when little red headed Willie Mulligan, his office boy, came sniffing into his presence to ask for the afternoon off that he might attend his grandfather's funeral, Wiggins deemed it a masterly stroke to answer: "Why, certainly, Willie. What's more, my boy, if you'll wait for me I'll go with you." "All right, sir," sniffed Willie as he returned to his desk and waited patiently. And, lo and behold, poor little Willie had told the truth, and when he and Wiggins started out together the latter not only lost one of the best games of the season, but had to attend the obsequies of an old lady in whom he had no interest whatever as well. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

W.J. ("Fingy") Conners, the New York politician, who is not precisely a Chesterfield, secured his first great freight-handling contract when he was a roustabout on the Buffalo docks. When the job was about to begin he called a thousand burly "dock-wallopers" to order, as narrated by one of his business friends: "Now," roared Conners, "yez are to worruk for me, and I want ivery man here to understand what's what. I kin lick anny man in the gang." Nine hundred and ninety-nine swallowed the insult, but one huge, double-fisted warrior moved uneasily and stepping from the line he said "You can't lick me, Jim Conners." "I can't, can't I?" bellowed "Fingy." "No, you can't" was the determined response. "Oh, well, thin, go to the office and git your money," said "Fingy." "I'll have no man in me gang that I can't lick." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

General Benjamin F. Butler built a house in Washington on the same plans as his home in Lowell, Mass., and his studies were furnished in exactly the same way. He and his secretary, M. W. Clancy, afterward City Clerk of Washington for many years, were constantly traveling between the two places. One day a senator called upon General Butler in Lowell and the next day in Washington to find him and his secretary engaged upon the same work that had occupied them in Massachusetts. "Heavens, Clancy, don't you ever stop?" "No," interposed General Butler, "'Satan finds some michief still For idle hands to do.'" Clancy arose and bowed, saying: "General, I never was sure until now what my employer was. I had heard the rumor, but I always discredited it." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

EARNEST YOUNG MAN—"Have you any advice to a struggling young employee?" FRANK OLD GENTLEMAN—"Yes. Don't work." EARNEST YOUNG MAN—"Don't work?" FRANK OLD GENTLEMAN—"No. Become an employer." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

EMPLOYERS AND EMPLOYEES "You want more money? Why, my boy, I worked three years for $11 a month right in this establishment, and now I'm owner of it." "Well, you see what happened to your boss. No man who treats his help that way can hang on to his business." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"Your husband will be all right now," said an English doctor to a woman whose husband was dangerously ill. "What do you mean?" demanded the wife. "You told me 'e couldn't live a fortnight." "Well, I'm going to cure him, after all," said the doctor. "Surely you are glad?" The woman wrinkled her brows. "Puts me in a bit of an 'ole," she said. "I've bin an' sold all 'is clothes to pay for 'is funeral." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"I was in an awkward predicament yesterday morning," said a husband to another. "How was that?" "Why, I came home late, and my wife heard me and said, 'John, what time is it?' and I said, 'Only twelve, my dear,' and just then that cuckoo clock of ours sang out three times." "What did you do?" "Why, I just had to stand there and cuckoo nine times more." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

🥀Айвазовский, Левитан, Шишкин, Куинджи... Работами лучших пейзажистов теперь можно наслаждаться на канале "Пейзаж на холсте"🪻 10 минут – и вы будете знать об искусстве больше любого экскурсовода. Подписывайтесь: t.me/art_gallery

The evening callers were chatting gaily with the Kinterbys when a patter of little feet was heard from the head of the stairs. Mrs. Kinterby raised her hand, warning the others to silence. "Hush!" she said, softly. "The children are going to deliver their 'good-night' message. It always gives me a feeling of reverence to hear them—they are so much nearer the Creator than we are, and they speak the love that is in their little hearts never so fully as when the dark has come. Listen!" There was a moment of tense silence. Then—"Mama," came the message in a shrill whisper, "Willy found a bedbug!" 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

🎭Розыгрыш 5 билетов на стендап-спекталь «МАНЕ» Если вы в Москве — поймайте этот вечер Спектакль, где есть и стендап, и вдохновение, и история про художника. И никакой скучной лекций про живопись. «МАНЕ» — камерный спектакль, основанный на биографии художника Эдуарда Мане. ⠀ Но это не урок истории искусства. Это о человеке, который хотел делать по-своему — и делал, несмотря ни на что. Это история не про художника. Она про каждого из нас. «МАНЕ» объединяет в себе жанры: – стендап – спектакль – сторителинг 🎭 Это не театр в классическом смысле 🤹 И не комедия, где смеются каждую минуту Это — вечер, который остаётся с тобой. Автор и расказчик: Илья Шпак Рейтинг спектакля на Яндекс Афише 10 из 10 📍 Москва, Брюсов Холл, м. Тверская 🗓 13 мая, 20 мая, 3 июня 🎟 Билеты и подробности 🎁 Розыгрыш билетов в Telegram

The late Charles Coghlan was a man of great wit and resource. When he was living in London, his wife started for an out-of-town visit. For some reason she found it necessary to return home, and on her way thither she saw her husband step out of a cab and hand a lady from it. Mrs. Coghlan confronted the pair. The actor was equal to the situation. "My dear," he said to his wife, "allow me to present Miss Blank. Mrs. Coghlan, Miss Blank." The two bowed coldly while Coghlan quickly added: "I know you ladies have ever so many things you want to say to each other, so I will ask to be excused." He lifted his hat, stepped into the cab, and was whirled away. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS A young gentleman was spending the week-end at little Willie's cottage at Atlantic City, and on Sunday evening after dinner, there being a scarcity of chairs on the crowded piazza, the young gentleman took Willie on his lap. Then, during a pause in the conversation, little Willie looked up at the young gentleman and piped: "Am I as heavy as sister Mabel?" 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

ELECTRICITY In school a boy was asked this question in physics: "What is the difference between lightning and electricity?" And he answered: "Well, you don't have to pay for lightning." 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

One year, when the youngsters of a certain Illinois village met for the purpose of electing a captain of their baseball team for the coming season, it appeared that there were an excessive number of candidates for the post, with more than the usual wrangling. Youngster after youngster presented his qualifications for the post; and the matter was still undecided when the son of the owner of the ball-field stood up. He was a small, snub-nosed lad, with a plentiful supply of freckles, but he glanced about him with a dignified air of controlling the situation. "I'm going to be captain this year," he announced convincingly, "or else Father's old bull is going to be turned into the field." He was elected unanimously. 🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы