CRYPTO ROAST

🔤 The Original Crypto.com Rug: How They Took 99% of CRO Supply 🧨 🟠 Everyone’s talking about the recent CRO remint drama — but few remember the original Crypto.com scam, when they forced Monaco token holders to swap to CRO and quietly kept over 99% of the new supply for themselves. Yeah. 99.1%, to be exact. 🟠 Here’s the quick breakdown: – Monaco raised $26M in 2017, promising crypto credit cards. – In 2018, they rebranded to Crypto.com after dropping $12M on a domain. – By 2020, they abandoned Monaco, launching CRO and giving holders just 0.87% of CRO’s total supply—keeping the remaining 99.13%. 🟠 Instead of giving OG investors a fair stake, Crypto.com used the CRO stash to hype up their credit cards, offering unsustainable rewards to attract new users — all funded by the value they stripped from their earliest backers. 🟠 Had this happened with stocks? The CEO would be in jail, not flexing in a stadium with his company’s name on it. Reminder: When a project forces a swap and gives you 27x tokens but keeps 100x more for themselves, that’s not a reward — it’s a rug with branding. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

🤘 Netflix Gave Him $11M. He Spent It on Crypto and a $600K Mattress 🎬 🟠 Director Carl Erik Rinsch — once trusted with $55M from Netflix to make a sci-fi show called White Horse — is now facing wire fraud and money laundering charges after allegedly burning $11M on crypto, failed stocks, designer goods… and two mattresses worth $638K. Yes, really. 🟠 Rinsch never delivered a single episode. Instead, he traded away half the money, dumped the rest into crypto, cashed out millions, and splurged on Rolls-Royces, Four Seasons suites, luxury watches, and more. 🟠 Prosecutors say he told Netflix everything was “awesome” while secretly emptying their budget into his brokerage and Binance accounts. He’s now facing up to 90 years in prison if convicted. Moral of the story? If someone says they need $11M to finish a show and shows up with a Ferrari and a new Rolex... maybe ask for a rough cut first. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

🤖 AI Crypto Bot Hacked – Loses 55 ETH in Seconds 🟠AI trading bots are supposed to be the future of crypto — until they start sending your money to hackers. That’s exactly what happened when an attacker breached the dashboard of AI crypto bot aixbt, prompting it to transfer 55.5 ETH (~$106K) straight out of its wallet. 🟠The devs say the core AI wasn’t compromised, but let’s be real — the bot still got finessed out of six figures. In response, the team migrated servers, swapped keys, and reported the hacker’s addresses to exchanges. 🟠The market reaction? AIXBT token dumped 15.5% after the hack, proving once again that AI hype means nothing when your funds aren’t safe. 🔥 Lesson learned? AI bots might be smart, but hackers are smarter. If AI is managing your crypto, make sure it doesn’t accidentally tip an attacker your entire bag. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

⚡️ UPD: LIBRA Lawsuit – Insiders Sued for $107M Crypto Heist 🟠The LIBRA scandal is officially heading to the Supreme Court of New York, as a class-action lawsuit has been filed against Kelsier Ventures, KIP Protocol, and Meteora for allegedly rigging the token launch and siphoning $107M from investors. 🟠The lawsuit accuses these firms of: - Using "predatory" liquidity pools to manipulate LIBRA’s price. - Dumping 85% of the supply behind the scenes while retail investors got wrecked. - Exploiting President Javier Milei’s name to create a false sense of legitimacy. 🟠The result? LIBRA insiders cashed out, the token crashed 94%, and investors lost a combined $251M — while just 2,101 wallets took home $180M in profits. Guess which group the insiders were in. 🟠Hayden Davis, CEO of Kelsier Ventures, was reportedly one of the biggest winners, pocketing around $100M. He now faces a possible Interpol red notice after an Argentine lawyer called for his arrest. 🔥 Bottom line? The LIBRA fiasco went from "memecoin hype" to a full-scale legal battle. But let’s be honest — will the money ever get back to investors? Unlikely. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

🅰️ Home Invasion for Crypto: Amouranth Targeted by Armed Robbers 🔫 🟠When flexing your Bitcoin stack goes wrong... Popular streamer Amouranth (Kaitlyn Siragusa) became the target of an armed home invasion on March 2, where robbers held her at gunpoint, demanding the private keys to her crypto. 🟠The suspects — Dylan Nesho Campbell, Bryan Anthony Salazar Guerrero, and two others (16-17 years old) — broke into her house at night, assaulted her, and tried to force access to her crypto accounts. 🟠Plot twist: Amouranth led them on a wild goose chase, convincing them to look for a cold wallet while she escaped upstairs. Her husband, watching the chaos unfold on security cameras, fired three shots — hitting at least one intruder — before they fled the scene. 🟠The suspects have now been charged with aggravated robbery and kidnapping, but this is just another reminder that crypto holders are prime targets for criminals. ⚡️ Lesson learned? If your net worth is public knowledge, so are your risks. Flex wisely — or better yet, don’t flex at all. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

💭 UPD: LIBRA Meltdown Continues – Insiders Cashing Out Millions 🟠Remember when Javier Milei denied pumping LIBRA and said he just "spread the word"? Well, LIBRA insiders are now shamelessly dumping their bags, proving once again who actually made money here. 🟠Hayden Davis, co-creator of LIBRA and Milei’s ex-advisor, has been cashing out over $1.6M in USDC, unstaking funds from Kamino Finance and farming rewards with money linked to LIBRA, MELANIA, and other "projects." 🟠Meanwhile, the corruption probe keeps heating up — one of Milei’s Web3 advisors, Sergio Morales, just resigned after his house was raided by prosecutors. His reason? "For reasons of public knowledge." Translation: "I got caught." So, to sum it up: LIBRA went from a "game-changing memecoin" to a multi-million dollar exit for insiders while retail investors got left holding the bag. Shocking, right? ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 China’s "Official Crypto" Scam – Because Why Not? 🏛️ 🟠Imagine believing China’s national mint launched its own cryptocurrency… despite the country banning crypto entirely. Sounds ridiculous? Well, that didn’t stop scammers from selling fake tokens under the name of the China Banknote Printing and Minting Corporation (CBPMC). 🟠The fraudsters set up fake websites and apps, claiming CBPMC was rolling out an official digital currency. Given China’s past experiments with a digital yuan, some people actually fell for it. 🟠The real CBPMC had to issue a public warning, clarifying that no, they aren’t launching crypto — just printing old-school fiat, as always. Meanwhile, outside of China, hackers have been hijacking government X accounts to promote scam memecoins. 🟠And let’s be real — when world leaders like Trump are launching their own memecoins, spotting scams is getting harder. 🔥 Moral of the story? If a "government-backed" crypto appears out of nowhere, it’s probably a scam. Unless, of course, it’s another memecoin disguised as financial revolution.

💵 $215K Gone in a Sandwich Attack – Bon Appétit, MEV Bots! 🥪 🟠Imagine swapping $220K in stablecoins and getting back… $5,271. That’s exactly what happened to an unlucky trader on March 12, thanks to a sandwich attack on Uniswap v3. 🟠Here’s how it works: an MEV bot front-ran the transaction, pulled out all the USDC liquidity, let the trader’s swap go through at a terrible rate, and then put the liquidity back in. Result? The bot walked away with $215K, leaving the trader with a sad stack of USDT. 🟠And it gets worse. Researchers think this trader (or someone using similar wallets) got hit six times in one day, losing even more money in the process. 🟠Some speculate it might be money laundering — a sneaky way to "clean" illicit funds using MEV bots. Others say it's just a brutal reminder that bad slippage settings can cost you everything. 🟰 Lesson learned? If you’re trading big on-chain, use MEV protection or prepare to be the main course in a bot’s next feast. 🍽️

⚡️ South Korean Official Caught Embezzling Funds for Crypto Gamble 🟠Stealing from public funds is bad enough. Stealing from disaster relief donations to YOLO into crypto? That’s next-level scumbaggery. 🟠Meet Person A, a South Korean civil servant who embezzled $342,000 from city budgets and flood relief donations — all to fuel his crypto addiction and pay off debts. The guy even forged documents and used the mayor’s seal to open fake bank accounts and funnel money into investments. 🟠The scheme ran for six years (2018-2023), but the real kicker? Authorities only caught him after he lost all the money. Classic. 🟠Now he’s facing five years in prison, though the case is under review — probably because they’re still trying to figure out how he got away with this for so long. 🟠Meanwhile, South Korea is cracking down on crypto fraud with a permanent investigative unit. Might be a bit late for flood victims, but at least they’re finally locking the doors after the horses have bolted. 🔤 Moral of the story? If your investment strategy involves embezzlement and mayoral fraud, you might need a new financial advisor.

🔤 Meteora, Memecoins, and the "Hacked" Exit 🔤 🟠Another day in crypto, another plot twist straight out of a low-budget thriller. This time, it’s Meteora and the memecoin mafia under the spotlight. 🟠Co-founder Ben Chow posted on X, claiming he quit the project because the memecoin world is a parasitic wasteland where devs are just "max extracting" funds from investors. He even leaked messages allegedly showing DefiTuna founders openly discussing their cash grab on MATES token. 🟠But wait — Meteora then claimed Chow’s account was hacked. The post vanished, Chow went radio silent, and suddenly it’s like nothing ever happened. Spooky. 🟠Even better? Meteora’s official X account was also “hacked.” Apparently, memecoin scammers aren’t just extracting liquidity—they’re extracting reality itself. 💭 And just when you thought the script couldn’t get crazier… 🟠In Argentina, President Javier Milei personally pumped LIBRA, pushing its market cap to $4B, only for it to crash spectacularly and wipe out millions. Now he’s facing rug pull accusations but insists "I just support free markets!" (Sure, and I "accidentally" bought 50 dog-themed tokens last bull run.) ☠️ Lesson of the day? If your crypto investment feels like a soap opera, don’t be surprised when you end up watching your money vanish in the final episode.

😈 The $275M Crypto Call-Center Scam: "I Can Scam Whoever I Want" 🟠 Picture this: You get scammed out of $200K in crypto. Painful, right? But wait — someone calls, says "We found your money! Just send $3,500 to prove you're a real investor." You send it… and get scammed again. Genius. 🟠 That’s exactly what happened to Canadian investor Marcel Deschamps. Turns out, his scammer Mary Roberts was actually Mariam Charchian, a top earner at A.K. Group, a fraud factory based in Georgia. These guys stole $275M from 32,000 victims, running call-center scams like a Fortune 500 company — complete with HR, IT support, and even CRM software for tracking victims. 🟠 The best part? When Deschamps confronted his scammer, she laughed and said, "I can scam whoever I want, and it's not your f***ing business!" Nice customer service. 🟠 But karma works fast. A massive data leak exposed their entire operation, including real identities, salaries, and their love for luxury shopping. Now, offices are empty, social media accounts deleted, and the Georgian authorities are "looking into it." (Which, let’s be real, means nothing.) Bottom line? If someone calls you promising to "recover your stolen crypto", they’re just stealing what little you have left. 🔥

UPD: Trump’s Meme Coin: From “Winning Big” to Losing $12 Billion 🟠 Well, well, well—looks like the art of the deal didn’t quite extend to meme coins. Trump supporters just watched $12 billion vanish faster than a campaign promise, as $TRUMP coin tanked a staggering 80% since January. 🟠The grift was strong with this one—Trump himself raked in billions before the inevitable crash. And let’s not forget Melania’s $MELANIA coin, which went from promising investment to financial cautionary tale in record time. 🟠 Meanwhile, Bitcoin is slumping, Trump’s self-proclaimed “crypto presidency” is off to a disastrous start, and now Congress wants to crack down on politicians cashing in on meme coins. Looks like the greatest crypto comeback is already over before it started. ➡️ CRYPTO ROAST

⚡️ FBI Recovers $8.2M from Crypto Scammers Who Used ‘Wrong Number’ Texts 🟠 A group of scammers thought they found the perfect scheme—randomly texting people with fake “wrong number” messages, pretending they had messaged the wrong person by accident. Once the victim replied, they built trust, started friendly conversations, and eventually lured them into bogus crypto investments. 🟠 The FBI says at least 33 victims fell for the scam, with total losses around $6M. One Ohio woman lost $663K, and when she couldn’t send more, the scammers allegedly threatened her family. 🟠 But the tables turned. Authorities tracked the stolen funds through blockchain analysis, seized $8.2M, and are now working to return the money to victims. Bottom line? If a stranger texts you about a “great crypto opportunity,” it’s not fate—it’s fraud. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

🤘 Grandpa’s Gone Digital: 73-Year-Old Busted for $2.4M Crypto Scam 🟠 They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but apparently, you can teach him crypto fraud. Randall V. Rule, 73, took retirement goals to a whole new level—getting convicted for laundering a casual $2.4 million through cryptocurrency. 🟠 From Kalispell, Montana, to federal court, Rule and his buddy allegedly turned romance scams and real estate fraud into cold, hard crypto. 🟠 While most grandpas are figuring out how to use FaceTime, this one was allegedly outsmarting financial institutions. Now, instead of enjoying golden years on a porch, he’s looking at up to 20 years behind bars. Lesson learned: Not all "silver surfers" are just browsing. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 Lazarus Group: The $6B Crypto Crime Syndicate 🟠 If there were an Oscar for cybercrime, Lazarus Group would win every year. These North Korean keyboard warriors have swiped $6 billion in crypto since 2017, funding Kim Jong Un’s missile dreams while making even the most secure exchanges look clueless. 🟠 Their biggest hit yet? Bybit ($1.4B)—a record-breaking crypto theft executed through a sophisticated phishing attack. Linked to Ronin ($600M), DMM Bitcoin ($305M), and Phemex ($85M), Lazarus operates with military precision, using fake job offers, malware, and insider infiltration to breach even the most secure platforms. 🟠 Despite FBI indictments and a $5M bounty, they remain untouchable, adapting faster than global security measures. They’re not just hackers; they’re state-sponsored fraudsters, running the biggest Ponzi scheme North Korea has to offer. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

⚡️ CZ’s Dog Just Launched a 100x Meme Coin — Because, of Course 🟠 Only in crypto can a casual question about a billionaire’s dog turn into a $20M market cap token within minutes. CZ, former Binance CEO, posted a picture of his dog, Broccoli, on X — and the memecoin crowd went feral. 🟠 Within moments, $BROCCOLI launched on BNB Chain, skyrocketing to $0.01014 as degens piled in, pushing it to the #1 Hot Token on DEXTools. Now, speculation is running wild — will Binance list it? CZ, while denying direct involvement, isn’t exactly shutting the hype down either. The irony? Last year, CZ called memecoin mania “a little weird.” Now, his dog’s name might just define the next wave of crypto speculation. Welcome to 2025. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

⚡️ UPD: Milei and the LIBRA Memecoin Fiasco 🟠 Javier Milei swears he didn't pump LIBRA memecoin—he just "spread the word." Conveniently, it hit a $4.56B market cap right after his post and then crashed 94% when he deleted it. 🟠 Claims he acted in "good faith" and learned a lesson (translation: "Oops, my bad"). Also blames bots—because why take responsibility? Meanwhile, insiders allegedly knew about the pump two weeks in advance. Political drama? Yes. A step forward for Argentina's Bitcoin adoption? Not so much. ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

😈 Milei's Crypto Crash: From Presidential Endorsement to Legal Troubles in Record Time 🟠 Looks like Argentine President Javier Milei just tried to pump and dump his way into crypto history. Lawyers are lining up faster than his LIBRA token crashed, accusing him of fraud, price manipulation, and maybe even breaking ethics laws. 🟠 After hyping up the Solana-based token, it went from a $4.56 billion market cap to a 94% nosedive faster than Milei could delete his tweet. Now, the legal team is getting ready to hit him with a class-action suit for those who lost money—so basically, Milei's crypto hustle turned into a real-life legal thriller. Looks like Milei’s endorsement of LIBRA turned into a "buy the hype, regret the ride" situation. Guess he learned the hard way that in crypto, what goes up can crash down... faster than you can hit "delete"! ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

🤎 Melania’s Meme Coin: Because Why Not? 🟠 Once she was selling portraits, now she’s selling her own cryptocurrency. First Lady Melania Trump couldn’t let her husband have all the fun, so she launched $Melania—because every power couple needs matching meme coins. 🟠 $Melania has already hit a $1.7 billion valuation, proving that branding can turn anything into digital gold—at least for now. But if history tells us anything (ask Trump’s NFT buyers), today’s hype could be tomorrow’s regret. 🟠 The irony? Trump once called crypto a “scam,” but now he’s its biggest hype man. A strategic Bitcoin stockpile, deregulation promises, and even a “Crypto Ball” in D.C.—this is the new normal. While some dream of a financial revolution, others just calculate how much they’ll lose on these official memes... ➡️CRYPTO ROAST

🤘 Trump’s Meme Coin: The Art of the (Pump and) Dump 🟠 Just days before taking office, Donald Trump surprised the crypto world by launching his own meme coin, $TRUMP. Billed as part of his pro-crypto stance, the token quickly skyrocketed from $6.50 to $75—before crashing below $40 as Trump entered the White House without mentioning his supposed crypto agenda. 🟠 While meme coins are known for extreme volatility and pump-and-dump schemes, $TRUMP has some safeguards to prevent an outright rug pull. However, ethical concerns are mounting. The Trump Organization controls 80% of the token’s supply, meaning Trump and his affiliates stand to make massive profits from an industry he’s now responsible for regulating. In just one day, trading fees alone reportedly brought in $58 million. 🟠 Some in the industry worry that Trump’s involvement in a hype-driven token undermines his credibility as a pro-crypto leader, prioritizing personal gain over much-needed regulatory clarity. And if you think this is wild—wait until you hear about Melania’s meme coin. Drop a reaction if you want the full story! 🚀💸 ➡️CRYPTO ROAST